twinkle: A Twilight Parody

In the damp, deeply repressed town of Spoons, Washington, the painfully average teen, Bea Goose moves in and immediately becomes the most eligible neck in the Pacific Northwest. Within minutes, she catches the eye of the mysterious and emotionally constipated Edward Sulkin—a pale, glittery vampire who loves intense eye contact, slow-motion running and unnecessary grunting.

Edward insists he’s dangerous, but Bea’s like, “Draculas don’t scare me.” Still, the chemistry is undeniable—mostly because he spends the entire time brooding in various lighting conditions.

Meanwhile, Jake is out here fully shirtless, because he’s hot, aggressively imprinting his abs on anyone with a pulse.

With necks exposed, boundaries ignored, and more heavy breathing than a spin class, Twinkle asks: If you can live forever, does that make you a Dracula?