How To Find Oneself in a Queer Cuddle Puddle 2: Theory & Practice

we recognise that the state – and corporations that are massively involved in the decisions of the state – purposefully abandon our needs. these organised entities hold power over resources and deny us access to free clean water, clean air, uncontaminated food, housing, and equally important needs for dignity, rest, grief, consent, and body autonomy. they purposefully prevent us from building communities and kin.

as bayo akomolafe writes, "the times are urgent, let us slow down." let us melt into those moments we can reclaim, rewrite the spells and rituals of the state, bend time, find awe, lose constrictive postures of modernity, and practice connection. there won't be a "magical community response" (mia mingus) – we need to build real relationships.

so, do you consider the prospect of finding oneself in a puddle of cuddly queers INTRIGUING? maybe even EXCITING? potentially VERY PLEASANT?

• maybe you are a pro at melting in group cuddles;
• or you never tried but sense that you need to experience this;
• or maybe this feels like an edge of your comfort zone and you'd like to learn more...

…. please join us for this celebration of soothing attuned touch and the experiments that get us there. at no point of the event are you expected to touch anyone btw!

for this event's purposes, we are defining cuddle puddle as a collective activity with an intention of allowing people to experience primarily nonsexual group physical intimacy & touch – through lying down next to each other in a hug or a cuddle.

• opening circle;
• self-connection and body grounding exercises;
• introduction to co-regulation techniques;
• simple wheel of consent exercises;
• discussion and demo of useful cuddle puddle practices beyond affirmative consent;
• 25-min cuddle puddle time;
• closing circle.

this is an informal space that is oriented towards radical inclusivity. main emphasis of this event is to stay in connection to your body, needs, and wants. there is no emphasis on a certain endgoal, instead everyone is encouraged throughout to stay in self-connection, tend to their bodies and limits – participation in exercises is optional and you can change your mind at any point.

• please aim to arrive 5-10 minutes before the event official start time if possible.
• please be mindful of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic and other viral infections that go around in the winter to protect all participants and facilitators who might be immunocompromised, disabled or chronically ill.
• please withhold as much as possible (that varies for everyone and their life circumstances) from putting yourself at the risk of infection at least a week prior to this event.
• please do not attend the event if you (or people you've been in close contact with, or people you live with) experience symptoms of COVID-19 or other viral infection.
• please return the ticket or notify the organisers if you are no longer able to attend as tickets are limited – it is rare we get to run this event and we would love for as many people as possible to join the experience.
• we thank you for your solidarity with the Disability Justice struggle and the struggle against isolation and separation of all people; it is the struggle of our times; access is love.

• cosy clothes + layers to adjust;
• socks;
• pillows, cushions, blankets, throws – and other items that will make sitting* and lying on the floor comfortable for you (in the past, we had participants bring full-on sleepover party vibes);
• for those who find sitting on the floor difficult we will have chairs to sit down;
• water bottle;
• an item for a shared altar (perhaps, something that helps you feel self-connected and loved);
• lunch / snacks, but you can't bring it inside the dance room, should be left in the changing room.

• the event will take place in the Aldridge Community Space in the South East Dance's The Dance Space at 2 Market Sq, Circus St, Brighton and Hove, Brighton BN2 9AS.
  there is another venue called The Dance Space on Gloucester Road – THAT'S THE WRONG ONE 🙅‍♀️🙅🙅‍♂️.
• the studio where the event will happen, changing facilities and disabled toilets are all on the ground floor with step-free access and are wheelchair accessible. you can take a virtual tour of the venue here.
• no shoes are allowed inside the studio, only socks or barefoot (to protect the special floors made for dancing). that does not apply to wheelchair users.
• there is a cute outside space to have a sensory time-out if you start feeling overwhelmed or just need a minute to yourself.

• this is an event for queer people (LGBTQIA++) aged 18+.
• this is a sober event.
• antibacterial wipes, hand sanitising gel and FFP2 NR masks will be provided and are free to use for everyone.
• we will have two 10-min breaks in the middle but you are encouraged to take small breaks throughout.
• it is not a workshop, nobody will be WORKING or SHOPPING. it is a PLEASURE GARDEN*. pleasure gardens have no endgoal; value non-hierarchical structures; prioritise body, spirit and intuition over western-colonial modes of knowledge production; center the needs of those who are usually pushed to the edge by the white supremacist western colonial capitalist system;
• all activities we offer are an invitation that you are encouraged to decline if that feels best 😎!
• after Carmen Papalia's Open Access manifesto, we define access as people coming together in a temporary, collectively held space and putting trust in each other to respond to each other's needs with support, we hope we can collectively work towards this.
• there will be two facilitators (Effie & vi), one of whom will be available most times if any feelings or thoughts come up that you want to be witnessed in a non-judgemental held way (or for somebody to stay with you through the overwhelm).

Please get in touch if you have any questions, concerns or suggestions! We are happy to chat to you: email [email protected]

viiiii (they/them) is an enabling & disabled chronically alive trans alien, seeking play, pleasure and overwhelm through the imaginary of decolonial & liberatory facilitation and messy yet life-affirming consent frameworks. they are a griefing friend, queer xxxtreme sports rep, and pleasure gardens wxtch. they've been manifesting accessible spaces for local community since 2017.

Effie Makepeace (she/her) is a Brighton-based artist, theatre maker and researcher specialising in queer ways of being together and creating work together. She teaches Applied Theatre at the Central School of Speech and Drama and has been facilitating groups for over 16 years in a variety of contexts and settings. She strives (and mostly succeeds) to cuddle with abandon.

🌩 “Very healing and surprisingly opening. I wasn't expecting to be able to take part but I did! The thing I enjoyed the most about the event were its facilitators Effie and Vi. Everything was kinda perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

🌧 “i loved the workshop as something with political intention, so poetically put in the spell, the space was such a contrast to the isolated way i have lived in the past [...] it meant so much to me to have such a gentle and safe place to approach touch. it was a pretty scary prospect to come, as just a year ago i would've really panicked going to a social space even half as intense, but it was so soft and welcoming that i was able to cope fine with those feelings and let myself be part of it"

🌤 "This experience for me was deep, seismic, terrifying, consensual, permission-giving, connecting and shifting. It was very important for me to feel that I’m allowed to contract and to say no! I felt seen and heard! I loved the poetry of the whole event and the balance/relationship between facilitators. The facilitation was mindful and skillful. I loved the cross-generational aspect and the mix of folk – the group size was perfect! I’m so grateful for this opportunity even existing!"

☁️ "I was nervous but trusted both vi and Effie as I’d encountered your facilitation before and knew I’d be in good hands. I wasn’t sure I’d participate in the actual puddle so was surprised at how I embraced it. It was tender and sweet at times and empowering, I appreciated the invitation to ask for what I wanted. I was able to say no to what I did not want very easily and that was affirming and encouraging. I felt euphoria post-workshop and reduced pain levels, I have chronic pain and had 80% reduction in pain after the workshop, it crept back in overnight but that confirms what I already suspect around how fundamental touch is to my health."

⛅ "The cuddle puddle workshop gave me a very cute and cosy, at peace feeling. I really liked how Effie and vi structured the whole session and brought us into the mood for cuddling, helped us ask for consent and for each others’ boundaries and to respect them and I am really thankful for this wholesome experience. I loved the open and need-oriented vibe and all the reflections and thoughts it has brought to my head."

🌨 "I appreciate all the things that were brought, that was a load of stuff to lug around! I enjoyed the vulnerability and willingness of other participants to explore all this gently and I attribute that to the safe container provided by the facilitators."

🌦 “I thought the exercises were very well designed and I liked how you talked about consent. The music was good for establishing a calm vibe. I really enjoyed the cuddling; it was pleasant and relaxing. Thank you so much for organising this wonderful event!”

We follow Restorative and Transformative Justice principles in our work. Rather than trying to control whether oppression will manifest, we focus more on how we will respond when it manifests. We understand it as inevitable, rather than think of it as surprising. Our harm response protocol and harm reduction practices were developed through learnings with Bluelight Academy.

Devil’s Dyke Network and Pleasure Gardens are an anti-capitalist grassroots collective, committed to Solidarity Economy principles. Nobody is turned away for lack of funds (please email requesting a spot), and at the same time, we recognise our work as valuable and worthy of financial and energetic exchanges. Your gift will go toward bringing more culture of embodied activism and liberatory erotics to our city.

We want to thank LGBT Consortium for their core support.

Host or Publisher Devils Dyke Network