Red Flags in Leather: Identifying Coercive Control in Kink Dynamics

Power exchange can be deeply fulfilling, but the same structures that make BDSM work—trust, authority, devotion, and protocol—can also be manipulated by someone with abusive intent. When you're inside a dynamic, it can be incredibly difficult to tell the difference between consensual dominance and coercive control. Love bombing can look like devotion, isolation can be framed as protocol, and financial control can be disguised as service. This class explores why those lines are so easy to miss and how abuse can hide behind the language of kink.

Participants will learn to recognize the specific patterns that appear when abuse shows up inside BDSM dynamics. We’ll break down concepts such as DARVO, the cycle of abuse adapted for power exchange relationships, and how control can escalate into coercion over time. The class also examines how manipulation can distort your judgment and make it harder to evaluate what’s really happening in a relationship.

Finally, we’ll talk about what healthy accountability and ethical power exchange actually look like. By understanding the difference between genuine D/s structure and the ways it can be mimicked by an abuser, participants will leave with clearer tools for assessing dynamics, protecting themselves and their communities, and recognizing red flags before they become something more serious.

About the Instructor:  The Pet Siren is a trauma-informed coach and Certified Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Specialist (2025) with more than 15 years of experience in strategic communications and coaching. A published author in The Havoc Journal and National Ambassador for Men’s Health Network, they draw on both professional training and lived experience—including a five-year coercive control dynamic within BDSM—to support survivors. The Pet Siren is an active member of the kink community, and holds a BA in Communications from Florida State University.

All of our classes are intended for people 18 years of age and older. Spaces are limited, so reserve your spot now!

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