NAVIGATING INFIDELITY for Post-Traumatic Growth

Helping couples overcome the pain, betrayal and shame of infidelity may be the most complex work a couple's therapist can do. Having a framework plus guiding principals makes this work less daunting and will increase your confidence in taking on these traumatized couples as clients.

Assess the Injured Partner (IP) for previous trauma and ability to cope

Assess the Unfaithful Partner (UP) for remorse and underlying contributors

Educate the couple on what to expect over the coming months

Advise couples on do's and don'ts that will prevent further injury

Explain how attachment theory and neuroscience play a role

Write an explicit safety plan to implement day one

Create a comprehensive self-care plan for the IP

Teach protocols for handling reactivity and other PTSD symptoms

Help couple establish firm, healthy boundaries

Help couples recover their sexual intimacy

Guide the IP in asking investigative questions instead of detective questions

Guide the UP to creation of a How-Why narrative to provide closure to the IP

Guide the IP in the creation of a Pain-Narrative to express the deep hurt

Guide couples in exploring their options: Recommit, Separate, Divorce

Explore for each partners' protective parts that led to the increased vulnerability of the

marriage

Remove blame and shame from the process

Help the UP process internalized shame in order to move forward

Find purpose and meaning in the darkest of storms

Create protocols for lingering self-righteous anger and defensiveness

Host or Publisher Houston Relationship Institute