MEN'S GRIEF CHOIR

WHAT IS IT?
Men's Grief Choir is a non-performative musical healing space for men.
It is a space that welcomes in the multi-faceted expressions of grief, gratitude, and heartache that men often carry in their bodies, without knowing of a proper place to fully honor and express them.
It is a space that seeks to normalize realness.
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WHY IS IT HAPPENING?
As men, most of us were taught at an early age not to show certain emotions. But the truth is, we do feel deeply. We do cry. We have grief. We experience loss, love and sorrow. We are moved by beauty. We hold anger and rage that isn’t inherently destructive, but is a deep cry of the heart. Men's Grief Choir is a space to dip our toes into the waters of depth and belonging. Through collaborative singing, music, rhythm, embodied movement and more we will access and express our grief, our praise and the many emotional currents that move in our depths but are so often ignored, rejected or shamed in our pre-dominant monoculture.
Part ritual / part song circle, this is a place to try things out, unlock our hearts and encourage one another to explore our edges. We create the space together each time we gather and lean into the collective intelligence of the group for its wisdom and direction. We do this tender work so that we can show up for ourselves, our families and our communities with more fullness and presence. We do this with the intention of learning how to acknowledge and transform our personal and global grief into something that opens us up to the true preciousness of life; something that is beautiful, generative and nourishing for each of us, our loved ones and the greater web of life of which we are all a part.
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WHAT CAN I EXPECT?
Expect tears, big laughs, encouragement, vibrancy. Expect to feel things. Expect realness.
Everything here is an invitation. We'll begin by enjoying a cup of tea together. We'll then circle up, orient the group, make our agreements, offer our acknowledgements (to the land, to the ancestors, to seen and unseen allies, and so forth), and invoke a collective intention that we'll use to guide us throughout our time together.
There will then be a time of go-arounds where each man will be given the chance to express his voice and heart in a way that feels genuine for him. Sincerity and courage is the name of the game, here. We'll then begin to drop into a space of music. We'll do this by opening up the floor for an extended time of emergent discussion, movement, sound-making, rhythm and singing held and supported by Yam. Yam will teach some songs, but will also open up space for other people in the circle to share songs, too. These songs will not be borrowed from any other culture or lineage, as they will be original songs coming through Yam, and others, as well as prayers that arise from within and through the circle, from the land. The rest really isn't for words. It's not a place for the mind. But it's at the heart of every Men's Grief Choir, and it is magic.
It will likely not be what you expect because we tend to lean into improvisation, freedom of expression and whatever is most alive in the circle at any given moment. Meaning, the best parts of this container cannot be planned, anticipated or pre-meditated.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY CHOIR?
We use the term 'choir' with a loose grip here! This is a low-pressure, highly participatory, judgement free environment. No prior experience with singing, choirs, playing music or being in groups with men is necessary to join in. No one is singled out and everyone is welcome to join in exactly as they are.
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WHY ONLY MEN? WHY NOT INVITE EVERYONE?
It's no secret that the unchecked, untouched wounding of men has caused the earth great harm. In light of that, it is now our sacred responsibility to gather as men to tend to those wounds with each other. The energy behind a container aimed specifically toward men is in no way intended to be exclusionary. As men, a lot of us need to be doing this deep and tender work with other men, in a container where sacred masculinity is being given a chance to heal itself in the witness of other men. We do this work together in an effort to not continue causing harm and burdening the collective that we have impacted and exhausted for so long.
A lot of men are just beginning their journey into the deep, heart-opening work of grief tending. It is tender work and the container is held to honor and protect that opening into vulnerability.
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"MEN"?
If you've been shaped by, and internalized, the cultural conditioning that is given to men, often in childhood (as boys, or AMAB) then this container may be for you. If you would feel burdened or deeply uncomfortable in the extended presence of a group of men being honest and real about the ways they have experienced and participated in painful patterns of men, then this container may not be the best space. We will be attending to the experiences of men, and those socialized as men, in order to give room for deeper insight and re-patterning.
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WHO IS FACILITATING THIS?
This offering comes from the musical heart of BJ 'Yam' Dwyer (also 'Yambaby'), as well as a rotating cast of wonderful co-facilitators and friends.
Yam is a community song leader, music weaver, rhythm bringer and student of emergent ritual space. His highly interactive, playful teaching style is informed by the deep belief that music itself is every body’s inherent birthright, and that singing together in community ('re-membering' our 'village-mind') is vital to our continuation as a species, and as a planet. He knows music to be a living line of connection and communication to our ancestors, the wider cosmos and our more-than-human kin.
Yam is a cisgender, queer-leaning white man who carries the lineages of Irish, Italian, Polish, and Jewish ancestry in his blood. He was brought up in suburban America on the stolen lands of the Onondaga people (otherwise known as Syracuse, NY) and raised inside a westernized Christian belief system until the age of 18. Yam has been a student of music, rhythm and improvisational singing for over 30 years. He has been a student of transformative men's work (especially the intersection between men and singing) and ritual/ceremony space for 7 years, and has been holding grief ritual space with other men in the Cascadia Bio-region since 2022.
He currently resides on the stolen ancestral lands of the Lummi, Nooksack and other Coast Salish peoples (otherwise known as Bellingham, WA), where he is a dedicated partner, co-parent and father of a 10-year-old son.

Host or Publisher Mr. Yambaby