Happy Hour for Sad People: an Unconventional Grief Circle

JULY'S THEME: AMBIGUOUS LOSS (or the grief with no funeral).

AMBIGUOUS: "something that can be understood in more than one way, often leading to uncertainty or confusion. It applies to words, actions, or situations that lack a single, clear-cut interpretation."

The situationship who ghosted you.
The marriage you thought you'd have vs. the marriage you actually have.
The relationship where you never got to say what you wanted to say.
The children you never got to have.
The children you actually have.
The friends you drifted away from.
The body that can't do what it used to do.
The parents who are alive, but who never gave you the love you craved.
The person you used to be, who seems like a stranger now.
The time wasted that you'll never get back.
The feelings you'll never feel again.
The god you believed in who stayed silent.
The dream you chased for years that never came true.
The ache you carry that doesn't get a funeral, isn't official, and doesn't make sense.

Ambiguous loss is one of the most fucked up, difficult parts of grief because it's AMBIGUOUS. We don't know how to process or respond to ambiguity. The loose ends fray our minds and hearts, even when we desperately crave closure.

A lot of people feel stupid or weak when it comes to ambiguous loss. "Why am I still thinking about this?" "Shouldn't I be over this by now?" "It could be worse - I should be more grateful." "Why can't I just be happy for them?"

Ambiguous loss is a loop that refuses to close, and the truth is: it will never close. Still, it does deserve comfort and attention. Other forms of grief - a natural disaster, a death - are eased through communal witnessing and processing.

But ambiguous loss doesn't get that luxury. People keep the lonely ache of ambiguous loss close to their chests with a mixture of shame and confusion. Because how do you explain grieving someone you still see? How do you share the sadness of something that never existed?

Until now.

Welcome to this month's theme at Happy Hour for Sad People: Ambiguous Loss. For those of you carrying an empty space that can't be filled, who are grieving a thing that's hard to wrap words around, that isn't as "cut and dry" as life and death — you're welcome here.

Because we're here to talk about the things that don't get talked about. We want to hear about the love you almost had and lost twenty-five years ago. We want to hear about your creative dream that was destroyed by the realities of capitalism. We want to hear about the grief that comes from losing the body you once had - the one you knew, the one that's gone, replaced by one you barely recognize. And we want to laugh and cry and toast to every bit of loss with you - because every bit of loss deserves loving attention. And healing can't happen when we don't have space to share our pain.

MORE INFO:

Most of us who are grieving don't want to just grieve. We also want to love, laugh, and be part of the party.

Grounded Grief x Rhinestone PDX have turned "Happy Hour for Sad People" into a monthly residency. Every last Monday of the month, we're taking over the bar to prove that just because we're sad doesn't mean we don't want to be invited to the party. We want a space where grief can float in and out—where tears are welcome amidst laughter, and where your heaviest emotions can sit right next to your favorite cocktail (or mocktail).

Because grief doesn't just need a special "sanctuary" or private room. Grief belongs everywhere because every human experiences it. Grief belongs at the party, too. Even if it's crying in the corner, it belongs in the midst of love and laughter because it wouldn't exist without those things.

Whether you're grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship, an identity, a dream, a health diagnosis, or the state of the world—you are welcome here.

• Grief-themed games designed to help us laugh and move through our grief without drowning in it (think: BINGO for S*ht People Say when You're Grieving*, Mad Libs, & We're Not Really Strangers style prompts).
• Special grief-themed cocktails + mocktails cooked up by the rad owners of Rhinestone PDX.
• A community of people who are figuring out how to keep loving even in the face of tremendous loss.
• Zero pressure to share anything you don't want to share. You can go as deep or stay as shallow as you want. There is no "right" way to grieve and no requirement to share your story out loud.
• A licensed therapist-led space that's facilitated expertly. You don't have to worry about one person dominating the space; you'll leave feeling a little more supported and uplifted, not depressed.
• The Vibe: We're here to talk about our most intense losses and the stupid show we watched on TV last night. Because we contain multitudes.
• First time? You're in good company. Many people come solo, and our facilitator makes sure everyone feels included from the jump.

• When: The last Monday evening of every month
• Where: Rhinestone, Portland, OR
• Tickets: $25 (Learn more at )

Financial Hardship: We never want the ticket price to be a barrier to support. If you're experiencing financial hardship, please email [email protected], and we can help you out.

Grief is just love with nowhere to go. Come give it a place to land.

We can't wait to toast you and your grief. <3