Conversation Skills Weekender

Practice starting, leading and holding conversations with strangers at social gatherings. It's the first step in making friends organically and a valuable skill for feeling at home in social situations.

Imagine that you're at a casual "meet and greet" event. Except for the friend you came with, you don't know anybody, and neither do any of the other people there. It's a room (or beach, or park) full of strangers looking to meet new people, including you.

Typically, you stick to your friend like glue, avoiding eye contact with anyone else. The thought of talking to someone new is overwhelming. If someone tries to talk to you, you feel trapped. And the thought of starting a conversation is something you fantasize about but is too vulnerable to do.

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if it gets awkward?

What if I'm stuck with a weirdo?

What if they think I'm the weirdo?

All that and more tells you "don't try, it's too risky, don't bother people." Something inside you is trying to protect you, keep you safe.

But another part of you is really motivated to connect. It wants to play, get to know others and share yourself with them. It craves connection, support and participation.

This weekend is for both of those parts.

For the fearful protective part to get a chance to explore the "what if"s and consider what other options (besides hiding or avoiding) might be available in the moment.

For the part desiring play and connection - to feel free, supported and welcome. To get a chance to calibrate - to accidentally say the "wrong thing" and not be ostracized for it but instead get to learn from your mistakes.

The workshops take you through the stages of starting, leading and holding a conversation with a stranger.

They give you a chance to explore and play with this flow:

You see someone you'd like to talk to. You walk up to the person and try to strike up a conversation. They might or might not accept your invitation. Even if they do, they might be shy or anxious, so you might have to take the lead for a little while until they begin to open up. Finally, you find yourself in a conversation, for which you'll need to contribute to the conversation and listen and respond to what they have to say.

This leads to 4 workshop topics:

Initiating the Conversation

Facing Rejection

Leading the Conversation

Talking and Active Listening

We do these in reverse order so that you know that you have the skills to succeed at the next stage should you succeed at the one you're currently on.

The two social events are optional. They provide an unstructured casual environment to practice and play with the skills from the workshops. These events are open to the public, so you will have a chance to interact with real people who aren't part of the class.

They also serve as a social warm-up should you want to go to an event outside of this workshop. There are many venues and activities in Seattle on a Saturday night.

Lunch and afternoons are your time to do what you want.

For those with small social batteries, this could be the time to reconnect to yourself and recharge before the next workshop.

For those eager to socialize and maintain momentum, this could be the time to get a bite to eat (lunch) or explore the city (afternoon) with your workshop-mates.

If you've ever felt like you missed the "intro to socializing" class in your childhood only to find yourself in a world expecting you to have 8+ years experience reading all the nuances of a social situation and knowing exactly what to say while being authentic with impeccable tact, virtually infinite resilience to rejection, and perfectly maintained and manicured boundaries, you're not alone.

If only there were a way to start on the Easy setting on Level 1, preferably with a tutorial, and build up from there. With challenges that you could struggle against but realistically see a way of overcoming. And the incredible confidence boost that comes from that.

That's what this group aims to do.

The goal is 80% practice in small (3 to 4 person) supportive groups and 20% theory. Whatever we talk about, you'll get a chance to experience and engage with first hand in a supportive environment. It's ok to "fail", stumble and keep trying. That's what all of us are here for.

Over time, we hope to develop decent social skills. So that you can go to a potluck and have fun talking to people. So you can make friends. So you can let people who aren't actually your friends go. So that socializing becomes a source of resilience and joy, because you have good people, good enough skills, and good times.

Host or Publisher Descent Social Skills