"It’s Not a Debate!": Why Your Relationship Needs Better Arguments

Is a "good" relationship one without conflict, or just one with higher-quality fights? Why do we spend years mastering professional communication, but five minutes learning how to disagree with the person we love? Can the same logic used to win World Championships save your relationship from the same old Sunday morning spiral?

"It must be terrible arguing with you." This is the standard reaction Monica Forman gets when people discover she’s a competitive debater. It usually gets a laugh - until they find out her partner is a competitive debater, too.

But what if the skills used in high-stakes debate - structured listening, reasoning under pressure, and knowing exactly when to concede - are precisely what’s missing from our living rooms?

Conventional wisdom tells us that "communication is key," and there’s no shortage of therapy to go around. This lecture offers a different, sharper toolkit. We aren't looking at psychology; we’re looking at the practical craft of disagreement.

Drawing on a decade of experience as a competitive debater (ranked 4th in Europe and 6th in the world) and professional communications coach, Monica Forman introduces a framework for navigating conflict rooted in the high-pressure world of debate. This isn't about "winning" a trophy; it's about mastering the most important debate of your life: the one with your partner.

Attendees will learn how to:

• Actually listen: Especially when your ego is screaming at you to interrupt.
• Deconstruct the "Blow-up": Separate fact from emotion and interpretation from action - and see why confusing them is the reason you’re still fighting about the dishes.
• Master De-escalation: How to choose the right words to K*ll an argument before it starts.
• Pick Your Battles: How to be strategic, not impulsive, with your grievances.
• The "No-Loser" Resolution: How to work through a disagreement and come out on the same team.

This is a light-hearted and playful evening, but a surprisingly useful one. You won't leave argument-free - but you will discover that the best arguments don’t have to have a loser.

Suitable for: Anyone in a relationship, or anyone hoping to be in one.

About the speaker

Monica Forman is a renowned debate coach, lecturer in rhetoric and debate, and an expert in persuasive communication, with over 14 years of experience helping professionals articulate complex ideas with precision and influence.

An elite debater herself, she was ranked the 6th best speaker in the world and 4th best speaker in Europe, and served as the Chief Adjudicator of the European University Debate Championship 2020. She combines an academic background - holding an MA in the History and Philosophy of Science and Ideas and a BA in Sociology-Anthropology and General Studies, both earned with high honors - with proven debate-based methodology.

Doors open at 19:00 – Arrive early, grab a seat, and settle in.

Talk starts at 19:30 and runs until around 21:30.

Price includes light drinks.

Stick around afterward - good conversations don’t have closing times.

Know what’s Happening Next — before everyone else does.

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Host or Publisher Think&Drink Different Amsterdam